Spring/Summer 2021 | A conversation with Jessica
Jessica drops a moment of reflection in this bonus episode as she heads towards a new decade. She shares some of the necessary and essential steps she is taking on her ongoing journey of healing.
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A conversation with Jessica
Welcome back to another episode of Stop Searching and Start Healing. I just got back from my beach walk, and I was inspired to take a moment. I wanted to hop on and do a very quickie, a little mini solo episode. To share how truly grateful I am, honestly, from the bottom of my heart, for all the support, for the love, comments, feedback, and everything I have received over the past three months, not even four months yet of me launching the show,
It’s been an absolute pleasure and honor and actually a gift for me to be able to bring people and conversations to you. To help you to support you. Because that was what the show was designed to do in the beginning was to help support your healing journey, your journey through life, through the processing of emotions and experiences and trauma situations, illnesses, whatever it might be. I want to express my gratitude to each one of you for listening, tuning in, and just being.
I wanted to take a moment to talk mainly about forgiveness. I have spent the last three weeks myself processing a considerable amount of past experiences, past trauma, lingering in my system that I hadn’t dealt with properly. From way back, probably about 25 to 28 years ago.
I hadn’t realized at the time what an impact that situation had been putting on my nervous system or my emotional body, truly how that was manifesting in my physical well being. When I took some time to go deep, deep inside, I pinpointed it and said, oh my God, that’s the point right there. That’s the issue. That’s what I need to release.
I need to forgive myself for that situation for that time in my life and the pain that I caused myself, my friends, my family, and to forgive and release the other people involved in that experience. And so it just came to me like a lightning bolt from the sky. I needed to deal with this, address it, release it, and forgive myself so that I can move forward.
I’m turning 50 in a few weeks, and I needed to be clear and focused, and ready to hit this next decade. So gloves off, entirely focused, fully prepared, and embracing all that is, is about to come my way in this next decade and beyond. And so part of that process and that reflection and that inwards looking, turning the lights on inside myself is something that I’ve spent a lot of time manifesting and working through. So I took a trip to Miami. I rented a car. I drove down to Key Largo, and I sat in this location.
I needed to relive the situation, the experience, the memory so that I could forgive myself for what happened and how it played out, and the after-effects it had on friends and family, and be in that moment to be in that memory. I have to tell you; it was excruciating.
It was emotional, painful, traumatizing, and heavy. It was really powerful to relive. It was a little surreal, honestly, but it was so necessary, and it has had such an impact on my emotional wellbeing. It took a few days to process, probably about a week, actually, but now I’m looking back, I feel so much lighter, so much more in control of where I’m going, not controlled by what and where I was.
Knowing that it’s okay, that that was the decision I chose to make at that point in my life, because I didn’t know any better. I wasn’t tuned into my inner guide, my inner wisdom, my emotional intelligence wasn’t firing as it needed to be firing at that point in my life.
I was using many escapist and numbing behaviors to try and deal with pain and trauma from previous years. Factors at play with the decisions that I made back then that I needed to go in and forgive myself for and forgive others and to be able to move forward into my most vibrant, most powerful, most empowered self-loving way into this next decade.
It made me want to do it, to talk to you about forgiveness, and as hard as it sometimes might seem and as impossible as it might feel. I have many clients who say to me, Jessica; ‘I can’t forgive myself for that situation. I can’t forgive that person for what happened. I can’t forgive them for what they did to me; it’s their fault’. It’s my fault, it’s everybody’s fault, or blaming somebody or something, but it doesn’t serve us. It does not serve us; it keeps us prisoner. It keeps us stuck. It keeps us hostage to that person, situation, experience, which doesn’t allow us to grow. It doesn’t allow us to heal, and it doesn’t allow us to move forward and step into whatever it is we are destined to be during our life on this planet.
Life is short, and we need to make the most of it. We need to embrace it. We need to feel empowered. We need to come from a place of radical self-acceptance and radical self-love. And if we haven’t forgiven ourselves and situations and other people, it’s impossible for us to do that. So I wanted to remind you to take a moment, just to stop for a second and think about it because we all have it.
We all have a memory, a person, a situation that we hold onto and play the blame game. It’s huge. If we just stop and reflect and think about that and take ourselves back to that time, it might be painful. It will probably be raw. It will be emotional. It will be complex and challenging, but just sit in that memory and release. Release it for yourself so that you can be free of that hostage situation, so that you can move forward in time. Live the life that you deserve to live and heal that memory so that you can put it to bed, you can release it, and you can change your perspective on that aspect of your life or that person because perspective is everything.
But if we’re holding onto those ghosts and those gremlins, it’s impossible to change the outlook. It’s impossible to change the direction and the trajectory of where we want our lives to go.
So that’s all I wanted to say. It may be helpful. It may not be, but I felt called to share it. And more than anything else, I just wanted to express my gratitude to all of you for listening and just being amazing.
Remember, you are beautiful, amazing, incredible, and deserve to live your best life.
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